Yo! Sooo it’s shapin up to be a busy summer! I’ve posted a bunch of dates here; some are solo shows, others I’m playing keyboards with my friends in the Shawn Owen Band. June 18th-22nd I’ll be jumpin on some southeast shows with Bumpin Uglies, playing keys for them as well as my solo set. I’m also playing bass with my homies in Ethics Committee, who are releasing a new EP this summer! I got one other side project in the works, and of course somewhere amongst all this I promise to release some new solo material. OK? OK, good talk.

More dates and details will be posted at www.tobiasrussellmusic.com. See you soon!

May 22nd - The Whiskey, Annapolis MD (Beastie Boys tribute show) +
May 25th - Waterfront Hotel, Baltimore MD +
May 26th - Bridges, Graysonville MD +
May 27th - Metropolitan, Annapolis MD w/ Double Duchess & Ethics Committee
May 28th - 49 West, Annapolis MD w/ The 9 Songwriter Series
May 29th - Martin’s Lounge, Washington DC
June 15th - Metropolitan, Annapolis MD
June 18th - Chico’s, Virgina Beach VA *
June 19th - Sundog’s, Corolla NC *
June 20th - Black Flower, Raleigh NC *
June 21st - The Boathouse, Myrtle Beach SC *
June 22nd - The Whiskey, Wilmington NC *
June 30th - The Farm, Edgewater MD w/ Ethics Committee, Swampcandy
July 7th - Jam at the Dam, Weatherly PA +
July 14th - TBA
July 27th - Fiddlehead, Slatyfork WV +
July 28th - Party! Snowshoe WV +
August 11th - TBA
August 16th - Armadillo’s, Annapolis MD +
August 25th - East Coast Surf Championships, Virginia Beach VA +

+ = w/ SOB
* = w/ Bumpin Uglies

…and someone gives you a hard time when you ask for their ID, just be like,

“Hey bro (because this guy will be a real DUDE), you totally look like you’re 21 years old, and that’s cool and all and I GET it, it’s just that you also look like every undercover cop that ever undercovered, so I’m gonna have to go ahead and check out that official state identification card rull quick.”

Then give them a Heineken when they ask for a Bud Light, just for good measure. That oughta learn ‘em.

“I could’ve sworn I heard Heineken. It’s cool though. No worries.”

someone give me an idea for a song rull quick.

Yo! I’m playing at the Velvet Lounge tomorrow night as part of The 9 Songwriter Series. You should come hear some music and drink many drinks with me! This particular show will feature 9 hip-hop artists, so I’ll be wearing my rap hat for the night.

You can read more about The 9 here:

https://www.facebook.com/wearethe9

And follow: @wearethe9

Oh and here’s a little writeup about tomorrow night’s show:

http://freeindc.blogspot.com/2012/03/upcoming-hip-hop-9-series-brings-you.html

That is all.

Hey tumblr peeps, if you got a few seconds and want to help me out, pop on over to http://bit.ly/xA2VOk and vote for me for best local musician! You just gotta scroll down to the bottom and enter my name in. Every bit helps!

If I win, I’ll put out a few new tracks or somethin somethin.

And I thank you.

…JAMS!!!!

…that at some point in time (GET IT?) I set for 6:45 PM, don’t know why. And I forget to turn it off, and every day at 6:45 it goes off, and I immediately start panicking like, “What the blazes was I supposed to do at 6:45??!?!!!!! There must be a pie burning in an oven somewhere RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!”

In other news, I once again wore a sweater today.

I know this is weird. But hey, whatever.

…………………..

On Tuesday afternoon, I drove to Queens in the pouring rain with two of my brothers to visit family and hang with our cousin for Christmas. We kicked it for the night, stayed up late, woke up late, and drove home. It was good.  Like always, we took the New Jersey Turnpike on the way up and on the way down. And so on the way up, and on the way down, like always, we drove over the Delaware Memorial Bridge.

According to The Internet (Wikipedia), the first span of the Delaware Memorial Bridge was completed on August 16th, 1951, and was dedicated to the soldiers from Delaware and New Jersey killed in World War II. The second span opened on September 12, 1968, and was dedicated to soldiers from Delaware and New Jersey killed in the Korean and Vietnam wars. Over 50,000 cars, vans, motorcycles, trucks, buses, and whatever-elses travel the eight lanes of the twin spans every day. It’s a good bridge.

I’ve driven over this bridge countless times on the road from Maryland to New York/New England.  And yo, maybe I’m crazy, but I’ve recently noticed something weird about it, and I noticed it again this week.

……………………………

1. When you first approach the bridge, you’re greeted by a sign for an 800 emergency number.

*side note: In the event of an emergency, how the hell are you supposed to be able to read, memorize, and dial a ten-digit number off a sign you’re passing at 70 miles an hour?

But like, whatever. Maybe your car breaks down, you’re some sort of Rain Man, you memorize the number, you call some special Delaware Memorial Bridge Task Force, and they come help you. Whatever. Just an emergency number, no big deal.

2. As you get onto the bridge, there are now blue signs for a four-digit emergency “cell number (I’m pretty sure that’s how it was worded).”

*side note 2: Why two numbers? Do you call the 800 number if it’s less of an emergency? Or maybe because it’s toll free and you don’t got enough minutes on your cell phone plan? It makes no sense. Like, if I’m in an emergency and panicking, I’m gonna have a hard enough time trying to remember the 800 number. When I see a second number, then I’m really gonna lose it. Like, “Which number do I call??!?!” Let’s assume it’s the four-digit “cell number.”

Me: Hello operator, it’s an emergency!!!

Operator: Hm…ok, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that. But you’re gonna have to tell me what kind of emergency it is.

Me: My car is on fire, and I’ve lost my brakes!! I’m doing 100 mph and I just narrowly missed a schoolbus full of children!!! Help!!

Operator: I understand. Let me give you our 800 number.

Whatever. Point is, now we’ve got a second emergency number. These signs are spaced about several hundred yards apart over the entire span of the bridge.

3. Appearing at about the same time as the blue signs, are these blue boxes marked “motorist call boxes (or something like that).” The boxes are attached to the side of the bridge, and I assume are there for drivers with disabled vehicles…maybe? Maybe. And after thinking about it a bit, I decided that they’re probably the phones from which one would call the 800 number…maybe? Maybe. These phone boxes, like the signs, are spaced about several hundred yards apart, possibly less.

*side note 3: Why the hell do we need all these phones? And who are we going to call? We all have cell phones. Unless there’s some scenario in which no one’s cell phone is going to work, I don’t see why we need all the phones. Even if you were gonna use one of them, there’s nowhere to stop on the bridge. How do you get to the phone boxes? No one knows.

4. Appearing at about the same time as the blue signs and phone boxes, are red bags. The bags are marked, in capital letters, FIRE EXTINGUISHER. These fire extinguishers, like the signs and the call boxes, are spaced about several hundred yards apart, probably less. They are easily the most alarming feature of the entire bridge.

………..

Ok, so let’s go back real quick. We’ve got a two-span bridge with two emergency numbers, and literally dozens of signs for one of those emergency numbers. We’ve also got dozens of phones and fire extinguishers placed along the length of the bridge. It’s bizarre. I’ve driven over this bridge a ton of times without noticing any of it. But now I have noticed it, and so every time I’m driving on the Delaware Memorial Bridge, I ask myself:

What kind of disaster did the builders foresee befalling people on this bridge?

Here’s a Christmas rap track produced by and featuring myself (grammar raps!), Softeyes McGillicutty, and Chutie Moreno, with appearances by Mark Awesome, Son of Stan, Frosted Tips, and Lord Grunge as Santa Claus.

Crew up.

http://soundcloud.com/eskimo-kisses/xcrew-up-christmasx

Learn tips and tricks to save time using Gmail!!!!

FWD: Karate chop!!

RE: Ninja star!!! Zing!!!!

I broke through six boards with my bareknuckle gchat today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!